pride

ever bitten your tongue? ever been hit in the gut? ever have really bad gas that just won’t come out? ever said something aloud only to discover how mean it sounds? mix in some massive unspoken frustration and that is kinda like what it feels like to have your pride put in check.

recently i’ve experienced such things. i know god chastens those he loves, and i know this is actually an answer to a prayer i’ve prayed. but it doens’t make it any better. i still want to scream out, “hey, i’m important and i have incredible ideas and i am THAT important!” but, no matter how clique’, this feels a lot like i’m being squeezed, and what’s coming out isn’t all that pretty.

it sucks to feel like you have the answer and no one is listening. you know they need to know what you know, but what you know is dismissed. the longer i go, the more i realize that sometimes what i KNOW, isn’t all that important – especially at that moment.

perhaps the biggest issue with pride is the fact that it keeps me at arms distance from my god. he keeps me away from the grace i need (more on that to come though). and its darn hard to overcome, especially by yourself – which is ironic cause it is your pride you’re dealing with. recently i read this article written by francis chan, he’s a pastor in california. i loved what he had to say about pride; it kinda hit me in between the eyes.

I remember something sobering that happened. I was driving in to work one day about 2 months ago, and i was listening to some podcast (which i love to do) as a guy began to talk about a new book or resource he’s creating, and i thought to myself “I had that idea forever ago. I could do that”. and as i began to complain to god about why i’m not creating things leading the way, but really continuing to learn and liberally borrow from other people, he stopped me in my tracks. he said, “man, you’re right, i’ve gifted you to do such things, but i’ve shut them down in you. If you were walking in that anointing and gifting right now, it would destroy you and the ministry. YOU’RE TOO PRIDEFUL TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.” it was at that moment, i quit complaining and marveled in the mercy of father god.

god continues to teach me and thankfully, i continue to learn. pride feels good, but falling away from it is difficult.

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